Friday, 25 May 2007

A History Lesson

King Henry the XIII of England wasn’t really King Henry the XIII. He was actually Henry the XI but because he was so large historians could not fit him all into one reign. To get around this problem they divided him into Henries XI, XII and XIII. Fortunately the real Henries XII and XIII were thin enough to allow this. It was rumoured that he killed his Grandmother with the thighbone of a Turkey. This is why he is so often portrayed holding a Turkey leg in various paintings.

Alfred the Grater got his moniker during the days he was on the run from the Mormons. He was hidden by a pleasant woman who made him work in the kitchen when the Mormons came looking for him. Alfred spent two days grating cheese for the Mormon’s Cheese Toasties before he could escape.

Ethelred the Unready was a notorious womaniser but he had one major fault. When ever he got down to the job he always discovered that he had no condoms. This may have been due the fact that they were not invented yet.

King Canoe tried to cross the English Channel in an Eskimo Kayak but, alas, no one had ever heard of Eskimos, let alone kayaks so he had to make do with a Sedan Chair. He gave up the attempt when he realized there was no way that he could do it without getting his feet wet.